Grow to Know, the Difference

I've recently found myself in the company of some pretty amazing people. Some with similar outlooks and opinions on life and love, and others with quite the opposing view. While, I cherish the perspective of all people who confide in me and seek my advice [and remain open minded] I still rely upon my inner moral compass, which lays the foundation for my point of view.

That being said, I've run into an interesting individual. I've spent a good amount of time having conversations over coffee, deliberating over lengthy telephone calls, as well as face to face. I thrive on open conversation that holds such depth and detail, as ours do. I find you come to various conclusions about life in general, once you engage in said conversations.

One main concept we discussed is growth between two people in a relationship. I think a relationship becomes stagnant, or otherwise unhealthy if two people aren't growing together, much less at the same growth rate. Many-a-times when this happens a clash happens [you know, disagreements, arguments, bickering - or my favorite term, world war III]. Someone gets too comfortable and decides that the day-to-day is good enough; or that nothing is wrong with how they conduct themselves, express their feelings, etc. While the other person presents themselves as a challenge to the other person [or nag], because a noticeable difference in the relational dynamic has unveiled itself over a period of time.

I feel this is a clear indication that you haven't found "the one" just another "one", if you will. I think when two people are on the same page in nearly all avenues of a relationship things tend to go a lot more smoothly. It just is - and when that happens you'll just know. Things fit together ever so nicely, and whatever tension or 'uncomfrortability' you were used to feeling is not as prevalent. This isn't to say those infamous disagreements and preemptive frustrations won't exist, because they absolutely do, and will present themselves accordingly. But the severity won't be nearly as bad and things will seemingly be worked out with more ease.

So what would I like you to get out this post? Challenge your point of view, examine yourself, your partner and your relationship as a whole. Are you both growing together? Growing apart? Growing at nearly the same rate? Or not at all? Is it adding to your life, or taking away from it? If you don't feel yourself learning and growing, there's a problem.

Seven Circles of Love...

I've been attempting to escape. Escape anything that reminded me of the past, for the past several weeks. I've done a decent job during those moments where light hits the ground. But when night falls, it becomes unbearable. I know these feelings have been felt by many, all different ages, shapes, sizes, races, and sex. Just as universal as love is, so is utter heartbreak. It is a part of life, that we face such things and chances are it always hurts one party more than the other. Your heart and its pieces just fall to the ground like ash, scattered and misplaced, stepped on repeatedly until they disintegrate. That's what it feels like.

Regardless of said depressing analogy, I've come to realize that sometimes love is misplaced, just like those pieces of the heart. If I had to describe it, I'd say there are various levels of love, and each person falls within a certain bracket. Almost like the seven circles of hell, except you can replace all the fire and brimstone with rainbows and butterflies. Anyway, my point is, there are those who love with all their might [their love moves mountains, that's how strong it is], who dwell in the seventh circle. And others, well, not so much - they dwell somewhere between one and six. They love until it isn't convenient anymore, until it becomes too difficult, challenging, or complex. Or to put it in leimens terms, they love conditionally. And although these people would beg to differ, defend themselves, and say, "Well, I loved you the best I could, it just wasn't good enough for you", that is when its your job [people in the seventh circle] to say, yes you're absolutely right. So you pack up your emotional, metaphorical, and physical baggage, and get the hell out of there!

Ha, if only it were that easy, right? Those of us in that small circle possess something that many do not, and that is unrequited love and strength. When the two meet, hand in hand, it is a bond that is nearly impossible to break. We are stubborn in love, hope, faith and anything that resembles the combination of the three. We saw such good in our past partners [or current for some of you] that we ignored the bad and withstood the pain for as long as could, despite the repeated offenses. But that's what unconditional love, true love, is all about isn't it? For the most part I would agree, at least conceptually, but there comes a time where it's also defined as abuse; be it physical, emotional, or mental. And those of us in the seventh circle deserve the same love we give out, don't we? (This is where you nod and smile).

So when I say, our love is misplaced, what I mean is that the ever unconditional love that can withstand anything, gets mixed up with the conditional, "as long as it's easy" lovers. Seven jumps to three, four, two - you get the point. Its a total clashing, a hot mess, and no matter what you do to try and force the two loves to work, it just won't. At least without one of you feeling slighted, disadvantaged and cheated. And in my opinion that is no way to live.

It's also important to remember, inevitably it's no ones fault - per say. Yes, you can be wronged multiple times by the same person - trust me, I've been there it hurts! It's no walk in the park by any means and there truly is no justifications for such actions, but not all people know what respect is nor what the definition of true love even stands for. I blame it on ignorance and lack of a good example throughout childhood. People just are who they are, and regardless how much you love them, sacrifice, wish, hope and pray - sometimes you just have to accept that its not enough. A seventh circle lover deserves to be loved at the capacity of a seventh circle love. Period. Because one to six will just get the silver platter, and you will be short changing yourself.

So let them go, let them all go. Surround them with peace and light, and wish them well. Don't burn their shit, or build a voodoo doll, or start practicing witch craft. Heaven knows the poor souls have enough learning to do and lessons to learn, believe that karma always catches up with the lot of them. But it is in your best interest to forgive and move on. No harm, no foul. And you'll be the better person for it.