Luxuries of Singledom

Up until very recently, I've always been mildly obsessed with the future; future house, future car, future love - and a precise enunciation on the latter of the three. Although I believe it is important to have a distinct outlook on what we want in life, there's no particular need to have it all planned out. Life is unpredictable [this has been proven to me many times over] and so 'planning the future' will only serve as disappointment if things don't end up going our way. If we truly want something, whether it be materialistic or otherwise, manifestation is an all encompassing power that we all have the ability to hone. This will bring about what we think about most and coincides with the laws of attraction. If some of you are unfamiliar with this "law" please refer to "The Secret", a marvelous book [and DVD] which sums up this very real philosophy. Although there is so much more to "The Secret" and its explanations, it is an introductory guide to an even larger truth. Enlighten yourself and expand your mind, I promise you won't regret it.

Back to basics, I often ask myself (as well as many others), what's the rush?! I too was one of those girls back in high school, reflecting on when I'd have life all put together, what I would be and the things I would have accomplished. I'd be married by 24 and possibly have children, no later than 28; I'd be in the entertainment industry, own a big house and a few nice cars. Was I serious (insert exacerbated sarcastic voice here)?? My sexual preference not only changed, but everything about who I was and who I was going to be did as well. I'm currently in my late 20's, more single than ever, and am an aspiring entrepreneur on various levels. I have no children [nor do I think I will ever have them] and I've decided that I forfeit this 'planned' futuristic outcome and just let the universe guide me where I need to be as oppose to attempting to control how my life will unfold. And who needs marriage at this age? For those of you who have found "the one" I applaud you and only wish you the best in this life, but for those of us who haven't been so successful in this discovery, let us remember we have the rest of our lives to figure it out and settle down! Putting a time frame and feeling rushed to jump into a lifelong commitment shouldn't be something to fret about, at least not now - if ever. It will come when it comes, when it's suppose to; just as that fancy house and that nice car or anything else we've come to desire.

I'm embracing this 'singledom', if you will. I'm learning that your 20's, in particular, are the best of your trial and error years. Taking the time to discover who you are and how you want to create yourself is a vital part of the foundation you set that will support that rest of your life. Once you are comfortable enough in your own skin, know where you're going and where you want to go, unlocks this empowerment within and allows you to fall in love with, you. Knowing exactly who you are and what you have to offer is fundamental before entering into any relationship or commitment. Sit back, relax, manifest in your greatest desires and get to know yourself first and foremost. Everything else will come in time as it should.

Do You Have a Friendship-ish?

I realize the term, 'friendship-ish' is rather confusing, but I promise I can define this for you. I'm sure many of you can relate to that 'in between' period when you first exit a pre-existing relationship; your nerves are shot, your emotions are out of whack, and you've collected a disturbing amount of used tissues that are steadily over growing in your waste basket as you reflect on all the wrong doings and fond memories. Post war, you feel lonely and extra vulnerable so it's easy to fall into a rebound in efforts to fill that void that is guaranteed to be there, it's only natural. I don't condone any form of a rebound really, it's not fair to anyone, especially yourself. You need to allow the proper time to heal from past love, if you don't the chances are high that you'll just keep making the same mistakes again and again. And you don't want that now do you? I didn't think so.

There are special circumstances, however, that may arise while you're in this healing, 'gotta get over them' limbo. That 'circumstance' is what I call a 'friendship-ish'; when a fabulous person enters into your life without so much as a warning. You stumble upon the right combination of chemistry between two people and you enjoy them and the mixture of both personalities, but the timing isn't right. It all starts out so innocent until you get to know them better. You have great conversation and a genuine good time, but you just can't bring yourself to dive into something you know you aren't emotionally or mentally ready for; especially if the respect and admiration you have for that individual exceeds that of a mere rebound!

People like this that have proven to be wonderful and genuinely seem worth all your efforts, usually are, so I believe it's important to be 'all in' before the inkling of pursuing anything further even crosses your mind. It may be hard to control yourself and your feelings, but nothing is worth getting into if you find yourself scattered in the emotional department. I've been guilty of jumping into dating or even full blown relationships before I'm ready. It never worked out for me in the past, and I know it wouldn't work out for me now. If you've found yourself in similar situations I can almost guarantee you'd feel the same, or at the very least relate in some fashion.

So what do I say in terms of all this? Friendship first. The universe tends to place you were you need to be and dually place people in your life for similar reasons. Whether to aid in struggles, trials and tribulations or just simply to show you that you aren't crazy, there are people who exist and believe in the concept of love and relationships, just as you do. I know the concept behind a healthy committed relationship has been difficult for me to relate to with others in the past. I was starting to question if anyone really felt the same or if I was reading into too many happily ever afters. Although I feel like I've become a bit more realistic in terms of two people making a relationship functional, I know my ideology behind love inevitably remains the same. Everyones definition can be different, and that's OK, you'll just want to find someone who feels similarly to your own personal feelings or at the very least respects it and is willing to compromise.

Personally, I've found myself in this situation a number of times but I never had the sense of control like I do now, and all those past relationships with people that should have been friendship-ish's at first, are no longer in my life. It's sad because if I would have waited maybe things would have been different, maybe they could have still been in my life one way or another, but too many of us become impatient. Now, I find myself in a similar situation and for arguments' sake we'll give her a nickname and call her, eh, Pat Benatar [just for the mere fact that she rocks my socks]. I like Pat and I think she has a collection of characteristics that I'd like to find in someone when I'm ready. But for now I will enjoy her company and cultivate a good friendship-ish and sometimes decisions like these are the best ones we can make for our hearts.