Before You Jump Head First...

I've noticed that love can be difficult. Difficult in a way that's comparable to a classroom full of two year old children, who've just been told Santa doesn't exist, the Easter Bunny is retired, and all you get for Halloween this year are tooth brushes and dental floss. I'll let you take a minute to let that sink in...

I suppose my point is that it's so funny how various people come into our lives at different times for different reasons. Some make a world of sense and are designed as roots in your life. Others are never what you thought you'd allow yourself to encounter, but that experience and their memories still outline the perimeter of your life anyway. And some of us encounter a love so devastating, it makes you question if you'd ever be able to open yourself up again to anyone. Unfortunately, I think I've been exposed to all of these relational concepts and it hasn't proven to be easy to go through. I think I've felt lost for a few years and I'm just now starting to get my bearings again. And so, love is difficult.

Sometimes we have an idea of a person or a relationship - what it should be and who with. What it should consist of. What it should feel like. Oh, how we've been influenced by media and entertainment. Honestly, what books and movies have a right to regurgitate our understanding of how, where, and what love should look and feel like? Do we not all go in our own direction,  down our own path? Doesn't it look and feel different for all of us? I mean, I'd like the fairy tale. I'd like the romantic comedy starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. And now that I think about it, perhaps we will get our movie based love - it just won't look exactly like Hollywood portrays it, and we'll have to be ok with that.

I feel now, in today's society it's rare to find people that just want to take the time to get to know one another, before jumping in head first based on particular attractions. It's dangerous, and many people get hurt that way. It would be nice to bring it down a few notches, conduct ourselves like the kids in the 1950's. I want the sweet gestures and outings. I want the ferris wheel  ride at the carnival with cotton candy, the kiss under the stars, and to sport the letter jacket so everyone knows I'm taken. Those were the good times, that old fashion love. Where has that gone? Why don't people take the time to care? What's happen to this generation and why don't we seek something more out of people - out of ourselves?

I've been guilty of falling into societal norms, in regards to how dating and "relationships" have evolved and how we've conducted ourselves getting there. It hasn't worked thus far, so I think taking a lesson from our elders might suit us well here. It is important to take time to really digest a person, inside and out before jumping into something [relationships, bedrooms, you know]. What's the rush anyway? Are we all in a hurry to grow up, get married, and have babies? You're building a foundation [or at least you should be], should you not be 1,000% certain you're doing it with the right person on every level, as oppose to convenience or simple attractions?

 I encourage others to look at someone in depth. Don't just get to know their body, but their soul. I feel people are only as good as their intentions, and so, it is something we should take our time getting to know. After all, we are preparing ourself for an investment of our love - we need to be conscious that it fits in all the right areas before we jump in head first!

Grow to Know, the Difference

I've recently found myself in the company of some pretty amazing people. Some with similar outlooks and opinions on life and love, and others with quite the opposing view. While, I cherish the perspective of all people who confide in me and seek my advice [and remain open minded] I still rely upon my inner moral compass, which lays the foundation for my point of view.

That being said, I've run into an interesting individual. I've spent a good amount of time having conversations over coffee, deliberating over lengthy telephone calls, as well as face to face. I thrive on open conversation that holds such depth and detail, as ours do. I find you come to various conclusions about life in general, once you engage in said conversations.

One main concept we discussed is growth between two people in a relationship. I think a relationship becomes stagnant, or otherwise unhealthy if two people aren't growing together, much less at the same growth rate. Many-a-times when this happens a clash happens [you know, disagreements, arguments, bickering - or my favorite term, world war III]. Someone gets too comfortable and decides that the day-to-day is good enough; or that nothing is wrong with how they conduct themselves, express their feelings, etc. While the other person presents themselves as a challenge to the other person [or nag], because a noticeable difference in the relational dynamic has unveiled itself over a period of time.

I feel this is a clear indication that you haven't found "the one" just another "one", if you will. I think when two people are on the same page in nearly all avenues of a relationship things tend to go a lot more smoothly. It just is - and when that happens you'll just know. Things fit together ever so nicely, and whatever tension or 'uncomfrortability' you were used to feeling is not as prevalent. This isn't to say those infamous disagreements and preemptive frustrations won't exist, because they absolutely do, and will present themselves accordingly. But the severity won't be nearly as bad and things will seemingly be worked out with more ease.

So what would I like you to get out this post? Challenge your point of view, examine yourself, your partner and your relationship as a whole. Are you both growing together? Growing apart? Growing at nearly the same rate? Or not at all? Is it adding to your life, or taking away from it? If you don't feel yourself learning and growing, there's a problem.