You've Got a Friend in Me ...

I've managed to lose a lot of friends over the years. I think most of that has to do with the fact that I've set expectations within said friendships that I couldn't deliver upon. At one point I was infatuated with being liked by everyone, to the point where I was giving so much of myself and my time that I wasn't making who I was or wanted to be a priority. I had so many people leaning on me at once that my schedule [and my life] got completely out of hand. I was living and breathing for everyone but me. No one could really see it or understand it, the only part anyone felt was my absence once I left. I wanted, no, needed a change and couldn't take the pressure of

other peoples expectations any longer.

Perhaps I didn't go about it the right way, and because of that I feel like I've lost a lot of really great meaningful people in my life that have been vitally important to my growth as a person. Regardless, I knew at the time I needed an out to get my priorities straight and to start living for myself. 

These days I think it takes a very special type of person to tolerate being in any type of relationship with me, whether it be friendship or otherwise. I'm over the top ambitious. I more often than not have 50 projects going on at once, meetings, trips, and days where I decide to shut myself off from the world around me so I'm able to reflect and gain strength to keep going. If anything, those who have stuck around long enough know I always come back around and I'll sit down and reflect with you on complications, love, and all the proponents of life as we know it, but gaping holes of time might show up more often than I do. Not because I want it that way, but mainly because I'm scattered with my passions and ideologies of changing the world. 

The bigger lesson here I guess is to be grateful for all those who have crossed your path. Some will not be so willing to forgive and forget, others come back around, and seldom adapt and see things through. No matter, just take responsibility for your actions, apologize when necessary, and know that you can't change everyone's mind about you - but the hope is that one day you'll be able to change their heart. 

Seek A Higher Truth...

Taking the path of least resistance isn't always the smartest choice. In concepts not involved with keeping peace of course, because least resistance in those areas are always preferred. However, in life or in love, the more challenges we face the more skilled we become and the more lessons we learn. Even provided the text books that captivate our nation’s history between hard covers and airy pages, there was great suffering, bravery, and battles before successful reconciliation was had. But it was within those trials and tribulations that we had great triumph. I don't mean in the sense of winning wars or relinquishing slavery, but in the valuable lessons that were learned because of these historic events. Although ignorance still very much exists, rays of hope have never shined so brilliantly. Earth, and all it encompasses, is on the move and a greater truth is slowly arising. But these 'truths' won't make sense to those who haven't peeled back the layers of societal conformities or mistaken conceptualizations of love and what it’s made up of. So dare to agree with me when I say, no, ignorance is not always blissful.

People far too often shun the thought of vulnerability or change, but how are we ever expected to flourish without these ideals? Yes, we must suffer in our own respects, however the universe sees fit, but it's all to bring us closer to a better version of ourselves. Less selfish and more selfless, more giving and less greedy, and wealthy beyond the objectives of money. If only we could all take in these vital life and love lessons we can come to an overwhelming reality, one no rational man would even dare to dream or take seriously. If only we can discard this regurgitated knowledge from "credible sources" and governmental upbringing, we can see vast possibilities far beyond our limited comprehension. We are all equal and apart of one another [please excuse this cliché phrase but it's the only appropriate quote], “the circle of life”.

 The only limitation is ourselves, boggled down with concepts of fact verses fiction because it's what we've been feed for centuries. Once we trudge through these facades of 'reality', we can hone the truth behind ideology and realize we are all part of a greater purpose, and can give just as readily as we receive.

We All Have Baggage, But Pack Lightly

I'm not all too sure what others experiences have been, but me personally, I can say I've always managed to maintain a trust issue throughout my relationships. I know I am not alone in this [I blame it on my very first relationship in high school - ruined me!], but in all seriousness, I know many of us carry some expected and unexpected baggage into relationships. Some of it I feel is harder to let go of than others, but there is a solution for such unruliness.

First, it is important to recognize what exactly we are afraid of and what it is we have a hard time trusting someone with. Many times I've heard the fear of 'trusting' defined in the same way; whether it be cheating, tall tales, or simply feeling that person you're with is unworthy of your trust for an unknown underlying reason. Although these are sound, I believe trust can be much more complex and goes much deeper. There are many elements of trust and I will define them, here, the best I can to help you relate and perhaps to also help you become enlightened.

It is important to have security in a relationship. I know this sounds self explanatory, but you'll be surprised how many people don't have this element. It is vital to know that your partner is dependable in every aspect of the word. In my past I have come face to face with the lack of dependability and it has severed the trust I should have had with those individuals. What I mean by this is, that you have to know you are being heard and that your opinions sincerely matter. Having trust that your partner doesn't just hear you but actually listens and takes those opinions into consideration regardless of their personal logic. If you don't have that concrete notion that how you feel matters, expressing yourself becomes an endless repetition of words filled with air [incert Charlie Brown's teacher here: Whaon, whaon, whaon, whaon, whaon]. This not only dwindles down your confidence and importance inside your bond, it also dwindles down that first layer of trust with your partner. Additionally, dependability is applied emotionally, mentally, and physically. When the unexpected happens, sometimes in the worst of situations, we depend on our best friends and family to be there - in which case your partner represents both. They are just as close as family and should be your best friend, so being there (and knowing they will be there) is beyond important.

Moreover, it is important to trust that you and your partner view the foundations of your relationship similarly. This is especially so in the ethics and morals department. I know I've had my run in with people who have different definitions of flirting, inapproproiateness, and boundry lines. Obviously being on the same page is a given, but again, one that not all couples have the ability to experience. When these concepts come into question it is highly difficult to trust in someone and their judgement in particular situations or vice versa. It is imparative that the conceptual foundation of your relationship is level and that both parties see eye to eye and agree, at least in this particular case.

Do you trust yourself? By this I mean your own judgement. Do you really feel like you can't trust your partner or do you have excess baggage you're bringing into the relationship and unloading onto your spouse? Yikes! I know this can be relatively hard to determine at first, and every situation is different of course. But if you spend some time with yourself and do some self reflection [which I believe works wonders, whether you're in a relationship or not] you can more often than not get to the root of said trust issues. I know I've experienced relationships where I've felt I genuinely couldn't trust someone and also ones where I created issues that really weren't there. I suppose it acted almost as a defense mechanism, where I just couldn't or wouldn't allow myself to trust someone for fear of getting burned, just as badly if not worse than my previous experiences. Although my philospophy has always concluded that trust is earned not just given until proven otherwise, we shouldn't fall into accusations or assumptions as a result of the past. It just simply isn't fair to your current partner or to the next individual who you decide to get into a relationship with. It's not easy to give the benefit of the doubt, that's a concept I struggle with regularly, but again I think it is important to disect our past and attempt to get to the root of the problem. Then, I'd even take it a step further and make the conscious decision to sit down and discuss the layers you've peeled back with your partner. This opens up the communication highway and gives the other party a window into how you work and can better help them, and you, understand things all while gaining clarity.

I'm a firm believer in packing light when entering a relationship, it would be in everyone's best interest to keep it that way!